shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
