Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
