i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
