1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
