Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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