I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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