Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize