everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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