You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
