that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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