hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
