dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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