the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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