u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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