I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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