I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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