How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Alive.
So much puke
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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