u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
