dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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