Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
