I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
