I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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