just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
