His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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