I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
