mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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