I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do herpes really smell.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
