he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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