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singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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