I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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