No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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