textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
