There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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