Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I understand Curling. That high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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