I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
