It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
