someone owes me an orgasm
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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