i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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