im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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