I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have fence marks all over my body
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
