she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
