sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
