angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
