hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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