i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
