I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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