there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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