Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
