You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
