she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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