He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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