Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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