Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
