On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
