I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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