guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
