just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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