He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
