Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
