My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize