i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize