I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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