oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
