Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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