That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
