I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
