I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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