My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
