Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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