I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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