a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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