Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
