I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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