Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
