Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
