okay pat passed out under dana's car
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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