if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
