Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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