I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
