...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
