Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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