Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
